Rolling Your Eyes Yet?
Why Contempt is Leadership’s Invisible Wrecking Ball
October 28, 2025
Every leader knows what it’s like to have “one of those days.”
Maybe you clench your jaw at yet another off-topic comment in a meeting. Maybe you find yourself tuning out as someone explains—again—why the project is still behind.
But have you noticed the shift—when annoyance hardens into something more cynical? The moment your inner narration changes from “I wish they’d do better,” to “They’ll never get it…”?
Let’s call it what it is: C-O-N-T-E-M-P-T.
Yes, even spelled out, it’s hard to admit.
Contempt isn’t just a bad mood. It’s the ninja of negative emotions—silent, sneaky, and capable of torching everything you’ve built as a leader, all while you think you’re just being “realistic.”
Here’s what you need to know:
Contempt is covert: It slips in quietly as sarcasm, raised eyebrows, or that urge to reply “K” to a long text or email.
Contempt is corrosive: No big blowups required—subtle distancing, silent eye rolls, and dismissive comments will melt trust from the inside out.
Contempt is contagious: Before you know it, your little pool of sass becomes a team-wide mud puddle.
Maybe you’ve even caught yourself thinking, “I love the work—I just don’t like the people.”
Sounds harmless, right? But in leadership, that’s contempt knocking at the door. It’s the first step on a slippery slope where others start to feel not just misunderstood, but unvalued—and believe me, people notice.
The warning signs are everywhere: dismissiveness, sarcasm, a secret sense of superiority. Contempt doesn’t just leak from your words—it’s broadcast in every dismissive glance, furrowed brow, or the way you grab your phone the moment someone else starts talking.
It’s felt in your lack of approachability, your selective hearing, and the silent signals that say, “Your input doesn’t matter here.”
How does contempt creep in?
It’s not the one-off frustrations (we all have those). It’s when frustration becomes habit—when someone on your team is always the “problem,” and you stop believing in their potential. It grows out of unresolved conflict, stress, or plain old leadership burnout.
Left to itself, contempt quietly poisons psychological safety.
Innovation starts drying up, your best people start to mentally (or literally) check out, and suddenly, you’re the captain of the Titanic asking, “Why is everyone headed for the lifeboats?”
How do you stop it?
Wipe off the foggy mirror and get honest with yourself. Reflect—especially about those who get under your skin.
Practice a little empathy
Get curious
Stay humble
And for the record, if you ever believe you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re not just off track—you’re on a bobsled straight toward a leadership wipeout.
Nobody wants a leader who mistakes arrogance for wisdom. Pride accelerates contempt like nothing else, and it’s a short, fast ride to isolation and poor decisions.
So check yourself.
And please, seek feedback. Even leaders need someone to hold up the mirror and say, “Uh, did you notice you were sneering during that last meeting?”
What if contempt has already crept in?
Don’t panic. Recognize it, own it, and—shocking thought—apologize if you need to.
Commit to clear, respectful communication from here forward. Build back the trust by showing up, listening, and getting support if you need it (hint: therapy isn’t just for your staff).
Final thought:
Leadership isn’t just about loving the work—it’s about believing in the people. Keep contempt in check, and your influence will build up your team, not break it down.
Todd Rutkowski
Read more reflections like “Rolling Your Eyes Yet?" in my free ebook called “Lifelines.” Get Lifelines
